Dating with Children in the Picture

January 26th, 2008 by George

Reprinted with permission

Heartmind Connection Chronicles

Once you reach a certain age, as a single person you
may have children of your own, or you may not have
children, but are meeting people to date who do. This
definitely makes dating more challenging and possibly
very rewarding at the same time.

Let’s look at dating from each perspective:

As a single parent:

Finding time to date can be an issue. Between work
and your children, that leaves little time for personal
time, let alone dating. That means you have to be very
efficient with your time.

It helps if you have a support system – either friends
or family that would look after your kids while you go
out. Many s.ingle parents have their kids every other
weekend, so they can plan adult activities for when they
are solo.

A lot depends on the age of the children. Younger kids
are more pliable than older kids to accepting a new
person in their parent’s life.

There is the perspective among s.ingle parents that they
are less selfish than those people who don’t have kids
because they have to focus on others and not only
themselves.

The comments that I have heard from my single parent
clients are:

1. The person I am dating has to accept me and love
the entire package- children and all.
2. I really need the person I am dating to be
flexible and understanding because I can’t always
control things when it comes to my kids”
3. I wait awhile before I introduce my child to the
person I am dating. I want to make sure that it’s
serious. I don’t want my child to get attached and
then have to deal with a loss if things don’t work out.

The benefits that the single parent gets from dating
are having an adult companion and someone who can offer
emotional support.

As a single person without children looking to date a
single parent:

A whole new world is opened up for the single person who
doesn’t have kids once this person is introduced to the
kids of the single parent you are dating.

You have to have patience and be willing to put the needs
of your partner’s kids before your own- many times. You
will be going to kids events and spending time with your
partner’s kids in addition to your alone adult time.

The child(ren) may accept you readily or you may have to
deal with some resentment as if you are an intruder and
taking this parent away from the child(ren).

The s.ingle parent may expect the partner to pitch in
and help- with feeding time, cleaning up after the children,
entertaining the children or other parent-like
responsibilities. The issue of discipline and how much
say you have comes into play.

The comments I hear from my clients who do not have
children and are dating single parents are:

1. I need to feel that I am special and that my partner
is thinking of me. I understand that most times the
kids come first but I need to see that he is making
the effort for us to have alone time.
2. I really like the idea of being a part of a child’s
life since I doubt I will have children of my own at
this age.
3. I have to see that the woman I am dating has a good
relationship with her ex and that the kids’ interest
comes before their own. Also, I need to feel accepted
by the kids for me to stick around.
4. My biggest transition was having the kids around and
knowing what to do with them.

The benefits of dating a single parent are being a part of a
child’s life and building a bond that can last a lifetime and
having a ready made family. What I hear from my clients that
it is not easy, but if you hang in there for the long haul, you
do become a part of the family and it can be very rewarding.

The key to both sides feeling happy about the relationship is
being able to communicate each other’s needs and come up with
a solution that works for both parties.

Dating with children bring in a whole new dimension. It is
definitely challenging at times, but from what I am told, the
rewards most times greatly out weigh the downsides.

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Amy’s Vision:
“As a personal life coach, my goal is to bring you the
information you need to make intelligent and heartfelt
decisions about the most significant relationship in your
life. We all desire our best life possible. My hope is
that you find this information helpful and achieve all
your life long dreams.”

Amy Schoen, MBA, CPCC
Heartmind Connection®, LLC
Life Coach and Dating & Relationship Expert
Helping s.ingles create their best possible lives!

240-498-7803
Rockville, Maryland
www.heartmindconnection.com